Illness Etiquette for Dummies

I didn't think that this would be necessary - but it is. . .


1. Imagine yourself in the ailing person's place.

I haven't observed many doing this, and it is very important.

2. Do not visit if you are hacking, coughing or sniffling.

They're already sick. Enough said.

3. If there's a sign on a door that says to check at the nurse's station before entering a room - do it.

It is there for a reason.

4. Do not question the person, nurses, doctors or care givers about the person's health.

Are you a doctor - or are you writing a book?

5. Do not ask the person, nurses, doctors or care givers, “When are they going home?”.

Most of the time, we wish we knew. You don't need to remind us.

6. Do not go into someone's hospital room while they are asleep and park yourself at the foot of their bed until they wake.

This happened a few times. One time the Baron thought that he woke up in hell, since he was surrounded by people that he did not want to see.

7. Do not visit someone that you would not visit normally. It's disconcerting to have a parade of visitors who you never socialized with suddenly showing an interest in you.

This happened too many times.

8. Do not start discussing work or business.

Try once again to understand the concept of rest, recuperation and no stress.

9. If you are told that the person is sleeping, resting, bathing, “not up to company”or needs their rest - respect that.

I don't understand why this is so hard.

10. If a person tells you that they are tired, or ready to go to sleep - leave or hang up the phone.

This seems simple to me, too.

11. If a person is obviously tired, even if they're not saying it - leave.

Pretty simple. I remember when my Dad was in the VA. If he looked tired, someone would say, “Come on, let's go down to the coffee shop and let John get some rest.” That was close to thirty years ago. Not one person did this for my husband the last month. Just because you enjoyed company when you had your hernia operation, stroke, heart attack - fill-in the blank - does not mean that the ailing person is anxious for company. So you can stop telling us about that, thank you.


General Stupid Questions Not to Ask:

A. “When are you getting out of here?”

See #5 above.

B. “What's the prognosis?”

See #4 above.

C. “Where's the cancer?” also heard as “What kind of cancer do you have?”

I feel that it takes a lot of courage for a person to share that they have a serious illness, including cancer. I don't think that everyone has to know every detail of the illness. The fact that someone is brave enough to tell you this should be sufficient. We're not keeping secrets here. But this is a very private matter. See #1 above. My husband chooses to tell who he wants what he wants. I'm respecting that.

D. “What exactly is going on?”

This is when someone wants to know everything. I'm sorry, but it would take several hours to go into. I simply do not have the time or the energy. And again, why do you need to know? Accept the fact that my husband is ill and that he has faith in his God , his doctors, his nurses and his wife.